


The Wayne Heir's Amazing Ass: Is It Real?

by Airdanteine



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Journalism, Journalist Harry, Rich People Party, Richie Wayne, Wayne Gala
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:02:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23498719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airdanteine/pseuds/Airdanteine
Summary: Very Serious Investigative Journalist Jason Todd is forced to write a puff piece on the Wayne Gala. The moment he steps into the manor, however, he is hypnotised by the Wayne Heir’s extremely exquisite behind.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86
Collections: Jaydick Flash Fanwork Challenge





	The Wayne Heir's Amazing Ass: Is It Real?

  
**The Wayne Heir's Amazing Ass: Is It Real?**

Wayne Heir Dick Grayson walking by me at the Wayne Gala 2020, April 4, 2020. A dutch cant as a giant screw you to our photog, who could not make it. I am sure the angle fully captures that round ass. (Photo/Jason Todd) 

By Jason Todd. 

GOTHAM, N.J.– No good deed goes unpunished. 

Well, more like I dribbled through a few legal hoops on my last story, and landed the paper in trouble. Nothing came of it, luckily. The board decided to keep me on, as long as I agreed to a very strange term–to write one Vicki Vale’s Celebrity Scoop column.

Vicki is a great mom, but a truly vindictive editor.

So yes, I went to the Wayne Gala Saturday. Walked through a den full of rich skeezy men I usually tear apart on paper. And let me tell you this. My biggest takeaway?

I cannot get over the Wayne Heir’s ass.

Richard Grayson-Wayne, the ever-smiling yet elusive first son of billionaire Bruce Wayne, made a rare appearance at the annual Wayne Gala. Rare-now, at least. Since the son moved to Bludhaven to begin a genuinely bizarre pivot into police work, the man has not been present in rich people balls, until now.

I noticed him as soon as I entered the Wayne Manor foyer, schmoozing with rich people with a blinding smile on his face. I have never had the chance to see him in person: my experiences prior were photos, videos, and very inappropriate descriptions from Vicki. Seeing him in person was a firm affirmation of my gayness.

Seeing him walk past me showed me another very firm affirmation.

What the hell is it that goes in them? What does he eat? Were they personally hand-crafted by God himself? Does a childhood in circus acrobatics lend to a cushy tush? Most of all, as any paparazzo worth their mettle asks: is it real?

Now, I am actually an investigative reporter. I had to find out.

“Oh, that ass is world famous, darling,” said Carmelina Knowles, of the old Gotham families. She talked to Grayson only seconds ago, and was being freshly hypnotised watching him go. "It has always been marvelous."

I ask her a few questions on what she knows about Grayson. She does not look at me as she speaks. After a while I realise she was still tracking Grayson’s ass through the crowd, like a hawk to prey. 

I tried to do as she did, but damn, Grayson danced across the foyer with an unnatural litheness, always slipping out of my view whenever I slightly stopped paying attention.

“I’ve been doing this for a while,” Knowles said as she winked at me. Oh boy. Creepy.

“Like uh, a while?” I asked. Hard to put pedophilia into light words. “Before he was an uh, adult?”

“Don’t be so crass,” Knowles frowned as she semi-playfully, semi-threateningly thwacked my shoulder. I decided not to bring another defamation lawsuit down on the Gazette tonight.

“I feel like he’s doing it on purpose,” said Martie Dodson, son of Dodson Electric’s CEO and Fellow Gay. “We’re the same age, but I don’t think I noticed anything about his butt until the last ball he was at. Wayne Gala 2012.”

That was the year Grayson moved to Bludhaven, at age 18. We both watch Grayson’s ass together for a bit in Gay solidarity.

I took a moment to look through online Gazette archives on my phone. Which was hard, by the way, I totally sympathise with you readers. Jesus this site needs to be updated. Anyways, I found a few shots of 18-year-old Grayson strutting on camera. I am no mathmatician, but the asses seem roughly the same size.

The only difference I see, is that younger Grayson had a more open expression on his face.

I hold up the phone with a photo of 18-year-old Grayson, visually next to the real life Grayson in the distance. Yeah, Grayson seems to have developed a half-lidded, “yeah I know what you’re looking at” expression over time.

“I am not really going to comment on my fiance’s son’s ass,” said Selina Kyle. Shame, Kyle rivals Vicki in emphatic descriptions of asses.

“Isn’t he hispanic or something?” said Gotham’s black box cinema heir Finley Hill. He wore a nasty sneer. “Don’t they all have like big butts or something?”

Grayson is not in fact hispanic, as many of Gotham incorrectly assume. How people arrive at that conclusion confounds me. The man is part-Romani with hella melanin. 

I also think Hill completely forgot he was on the record. It is on you to cancel him by next Sunday.

Alright. So by then, I gathered that this ass is probably natural, or he had a butt job a little too young. Most of all, he _knows_ he has it. He wears a knowing smile. 

I mean I genuinely cannot get over it. Maybe it was not just the ass itself. Maybe it was the way he walked past me, quite close to someone with an aimed camera. Maybe it was the way he turned to look at my direction the second I pressed click.

Maybe it is the eyes.The smile. The way he was looking at me.

Or someone behind me. I cannot fact check this.

He was maybe doing this on purpose. 

“Are you doing this on purpose?” I asked Grayson, backing him to a weird corner under the staircase. I feel like I cannot judge Knowles anymore.

“Hmm?” He replied, _while smiling_. I cannot believe him. I stared at him a bit, open my voice recording app and stated my business.

“Sir, I’m a reporter with the Gotham Gazette. I am here to ask some very inappropriate questions about your ass.”

It felt like someone threw gasoline on my cheeks and ignited it. Grayson’s smile dropped. We just kept staring at each other, and I feel like I just dumped the motherload of lawsuits on the Gazette. Jesus take the wheel.

“I’m writing a puff piece for Vicki Vale’s column?” I tried to clarify. “You know how crazy they get.”

“Yeah, sure,” Grayson said, the smile slowly reviving on his face. “One thing though?”

“What is it?” I sweat.

“Maybe you wanna see the real deal first, before you make any uh. Judgements.”

I would like the Investigative Reporters & Editors to send me a membership card furnished in 24K gold. That is right, I went where no reporter (to my knowledge) has gone, baby.

On another note: like mother like son, right? This is exactly why I will never be teasing Vicki for *allegedly sleeping with Bruce Wayne again.

Anyways, unless I bring Dick’s ass under an X-ray scan anytime soon, his ass looks, feels and tastes very much real.

You will never see me write this column again, as my life depends on it.

Editor’s Note: The claim that Vicki Vale has ever slept with Bruce Wayne is alleged. One that note, nice score, dude. You may or may not be assigned to the Dick beat again based on your relationship with the source.


End file.
